Unapologetically Inspirational

The Key to Happiness for Introverts

I recently ran across two articles that discuss the traits of introverts as opposed to extroverts. As an introvert and the author of a book about introversion in the church, I was very interested in these articles. However, upon reading them, it became clear to me that the first article (How an Introvert Can Be Happier), presented a very misinformed view of introverts, while the second (The Church Lady blog. Can Introverts Handle an Extroverted Church Service?) expresses what I believe is God’s heart toward the introvert.

The reason I believe the WSJ article is misinformed is because it vaguely suggests that extroverts have a lock on happiness, and that introverts need to get with the extroversion program in order to be happy. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, many introverts, including myself, were confused and miserable trying to act like extroverts in order to fit in to an extroverted society. When I realized who I was and the mold in which God created me, I ceased striving to be something that I wasn’t. My impression is that the root of unhappiness springs from the desire to be someone other than who God created us to be. We become unhappy trying to achieve a destiny other than that which God prescribes.

Not surprisingly, the WSJ article promotes a worldly view of what it takes to be happy. Follow the status quo. Do whatever is popular and successful. That is why so many people, especially young people, imitate and emulate popular athletes and entertainers. After all, don’t famous entertainers always appear to be happy and successful, even though it isn’t necessarily so?

The eight beatitudes in Matthew 5:1-12 prescribes to the Christian the recipe for happiness. According to Wikipedia, the term beatitude comes from the Latin adjective beātitūdō which means happy, fortunate, or blissful. True happiness does not come from emulating others at the expense of ourselves, but it comes to those who are poor in spirit; those who mourn; those who are meek; those who hunger and thirst for righteousness; those who are merciful; those who are pure in heart; those who are peacemakers; and those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake. These are qualities which are exclusive neither to the introvert nor to the extrovert, but to those who love God and obey his word.

Introverts, as well as extroverts, are fearfully and wonderfully made. The key to happiness is to realize that we are His, and that we are nothing unless we are adhering to His plan for our lives. And that plan involves recognizing whose we are, as well as who we are.

Louis N. Jones
Author of Wallflowers in the Kingdom: A Vindication of Introverts in the Body of Christ
www.louisnjones.com

Tragedies in America – Understanding God when we don’t understand

Once again, tragedy has struck America.

On May 20, a category EF5 tornado ripped through Moore, Oklahoma, a town with a population of just over 55,000 people. The tornado killed at least 24 people, including 10 children, and injured more than 353 others. This happen just over a month after the bombings of the Boston marathon, and a little more than five months after the mass shooting at the Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut.

As a Christian, I struggle with these tragedies. Like many others around the country, I watched with dismay the news coverage of these events. I witnessed the indescribable grief suffered by the families of those killed, and I prayed for them. But I also struggled to understand.

With the Boston Marathon bombings and the Sandy Hook shootings, there were people to blame. Human beings were directly responsible. Hatred, pity, disgust, and in some cases, prayers could be directed to them. We could reconcile these tragedies by attributing them to “crazy people.” We could, if we chose to do so, redirect our anger to the creation of more effective gun laws, or more accessible mental health treatment, or better security at schools and public events.

But who do we blame for a tornado tragedy? What legislation will satiate the effects of a natural disaster?

Many will blame God. Even I, as a devout, experienced Christian, found myself struggling to understand why God would allow the taking of so many lives, especially ten innocent children or, in the case of Sandy Hook, twenty innocent children. What justice or goodness could be achieved by allowing such disasters?

These questions represent a crossroads for many of us. At this point, some Christian believers, unable to reconcile their belief in a good and loving God with such horrible events, will move down the path toward agnosticism and atheism. If they continue to “believe” in Jesus, there is an overarching hostility toward Him, and a blatant refusal to acknowledge Him in devotion and worship. This is the point where our faith in God can be strenuously tested.

As I write this, I do not know why God allowed such events to happen. Maybe it is not for me to know. Mankind often has such an insatiable quest of knowledge that it discomforts us to realize that we cannot and do not know everything. Only God is omniscient. And my faith in Him demands that though I may not know or understand everything that God does, I still have to trust Him and believe that He has our best interest at heart. God has a purpose and a plan for us. Sometimes that is hard to swallow in the wake of such terrible events. We want to know. We want to understand. We want to make sense out of something that is senseless. But Romans 11:33 reminds us, “O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out!” In the spiritual realm is wisdom and purpose far beyond our limited and finite understanding.

I pray for the families of the victims of the tornado in Moore, Oklahoma, and for the families of all the tragedies that have occurred in this country over the past year. I don’t know the purpose behind which they grieve. Some will say that God is trying to get America’s attention. Others will say that it is the sign of the last days. But whatever it is, my faith is still undeterred. God is still in control. He is still a good and loving God. Even when it seems like He isn’t.

Louis N. Jones, Author and Publisher
Dove Christian Publishers
www.dovechristianpublishers.com

Is it appropriate to refer to church abuse and spiritual abuse as rape?

I have received some interesting and controversial comments about one of the new books that Conquest Publishers recently released. The book is entitled, “I’ve Been Raped by a Church: A Christian Recovery Guide for the Wounded.” The book chronicles author Vicky Lynch’s experiences with church pastoral abuse and gives biblical how-to advice to the reader about dealing with it.

The comments focused mostly on the title of the book (one person commented without even reading the book). The gist of the comments is that the use of the word “rape” in the title is troubling, especially since the book is not discussing sexual rape that takes place in church.

It is true that the commonly accepted meaning of the word “rape” is forcible sexual assault, an act that is violent, unwarranted, illegal, and causes physical and psychological harm. However, the spiritual and psychological damage that can occur with pastoral and church abuse is just as devastating as sexual rape, and gives credence to the use of the word “rape” as a metaphor for church abuse.

In some churches, the pastor or bishop is purported to be the representative of God in the life of that local assembly. The pastor may be just as vital to the local church as the pope is to the Catholic church. Church members often greatly honor, highly respect, and unequivocally trust their pastor. The pastor becomes heavily invested in the lives of his or her members, and vice versa. On matters of spiritual significance, the pastor becomes the final authority. The pastor becomes like a parent to them, and they like sons and daughters to the pastor. The pastor may not be God, but to local church members, he or she is about as close as you can get.

There are many church pastors who have this level of influence over their flock, and they use it with humility, govern in love, and seek only to bring their members into the potential that God has for them. But there are others who, unwittingly or not, use this influence to abuse and misuse their members. And because of the spiritual and psychological connection that exists between the pastor and church members, such abuse can —and often is—just as damaging as the spiritual and mental effects of sexual rape.

One can argue that an abused church member can always voluntarily leave the church, and thus avoid the abuse, while a rape victim does not have that choice. But abused church members often find it difficult to leave. Members that are heavily connected to their pastors often believe that God is speaking through them, and if they leave, they are dishonoring the pastor, and consequentially, dishonoring God. So, they will subject themselves to this dysfunctional relationship, believing that God will punish them if they sever the bond. For devout Christians who live each day to love and serve God, leaving the church and God’s representative is not an option. It is as if the pastor is holding a figurative gun to their heads and demanding that they stay, or else.

Therefore, as shocking and pointed as the word “rape” is, I believe the word is appropriate to describe the experience of a church member who has been subject to an unloving and abusive pastor and those who support that pastor. What do you think?

Louis N Jones
louisnjones.com

Are Christian Online Dating Sites the Will of God?

Recently I saw a TV commercial for a popular online dating site that is geared toward Christian singles. When I pulled up the site on the Internet, the home page included a Scripture quotation and makes an appeal to the viewer to “Find God’s Match for you.” A further examination of this site reveals that it is owned by a company that has several niche dating sites, including one for Jewish singles, and others for black singles and military singles. The Christian site includes a statement of faith, presumably for those who sign up, and tips for Christian dating.

There’s no denying the success of the site. It claims to have more than 2,000,000 registered members and growing. The site and its TV commercials include testimonials from those who have found their ideal mates through use of the site. And it includes endorsements from several pastors and ministers from around the country.

Obviously the site has gone through great lengths to present itself as a legitimate resource for online Christian socializing and dating. The question is, are these online sites Biblical? Can God really use an online dating site to help a Christian man or woman find their mate for life? Can the will of God be realized through internet personals?

Critics of online dating sites say that using them reflects a lack of faith in God. If you use an online dating site (also called online personals) to filter through a waiting pool of potential mates, are you truly trusting and believing in God?

There appear to be two extreme points of view when it comes to dating and marriage. One is that all you need to do is trust in and believe in God, and seek to please Him, and do not worry about finding a wife, and one day it will happen. Maybe you will run into your future spouse in a supermarket, totally by accident. The scripture in Matthew 6:25-34 seems to support this view.

Conversely, there are those who believe that a high level of effort and searching are necessary to find a spouse. After all, doesn’t the scripture say, “He who finds a wife, finds a good thing” (Proverbs 18:22)?

Godly wisdom suggests the need to find a middle ground between these two extremes. Yes, it is necessary to trust and believe in God for your mate, but you may have to apply a certain degree of effort and searching in order to be successful at finding a mate.

Going as far back as Abraham’s effort to find his son Isaac a mate in Genesis 24, and continuing to this day, God has been very involved with mate selection, so finding one must always be done in a Godly manner and in accordance with faith and trust in Him. You must use Holy Spirit discernment as to the “where” and “how” you search for a mate. In Genesis 24, Abraham gave his servant direction as to where to search for a wife for his son Isaac. He told him not to look in the land of Canaanites, whom Noah previously placed a curse upon, but in Abraham’s own land and among his own relatives (v. 4). When Abraham’s servant had arrived near the spring in the town of Nahor, he prayed that the Lord would reveal to him the woman whom He had chosen for Isaac (vv.12-14). God led the steps of Abraham’s servant directly to the place, at the proper time, for him to meet the woman whom God had already set aside for Isaac. But it would have never happened if Abraham did not take the initiative to find a wife for his son. And Isaac might never have met Rebekah if Abraham’s servant did not obey his master and go to the place where God had the blessing awaiting.

In modern times, Christian singles meet and date through church, at social events, in the marketplace, through friends and relatives, and at work. Online dating sites provide a meeting place for single Christians who may be too busy or too introverted to meet people through traditional means. However, just as a Christian must use spiritual discernment (Galatians 5:16) to determine which social events to attend, whom to socialize with at work, and which church to attend, the same discernment must be applied with online dating sites. While these sites are not sinful in and of themselves, they can be harmful for those who are functioning outside of God’s guidance. These sites can present a “quick fix” for immature Christians who have become impatient waiting on God’s blessing, and want to take the matter into their own hands. They provide a way for lonely Christians to quickly and, with minimal effort, become linked with someone who is interested in them, even if God is not ready for them to take on a mate just yet.

On the other hand, sites like this may be perfect for introverts who do not get out much and may have trouble meeting people of the opposite sex. For those who are busy and have minimal opportunities to socialize, online dating sites may provide a means for them to meet people who could potentially become mates. But before you access any online dating site, make sure you consider the following:

Make sure you are spiritually, mentally, and financially ready for dating. Many people want mates. Unfortunately, not everyone is ready for them. Dating and marriage carry responsibilities that not everyone is prepared for. A person that is not fortified in the Lord may be subject to sexual temptation, financial temptation and other harmful vices. Just because a person is a Christian does not mean that the person has the attributes and character of an ideal mate. A person may use an online dating site to circumvent God’s redemptive work at getting the person ready for the mate of his or her choosing.

Bathe the matter in much prayer, and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. Even if you decide that online dating is God’s will for you, make sure you use Godly discernment throughout the process.

Make sure you are not doing this with purely selfish motives. Do not bow to impatience, loneliness, lust, low self-esteem, the belief that you will never find a mate, or the “ticking of the biological clock,” all of which often leads people to these sites.

As with many things in life, online dating sites can be a blessing to those who were meant to use them and use them properly, but can be destructive to others. Unless you are absolutely certain you are being led by God to connect with someone through online personals sites, stay clear of them and focus on your own relationship with God. Fellowship with other believers. Be diligent and watchful, and God will bless you with a mate in due time. Believe Proverbs 3:5-6, which reads, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths.” Your circumstances are no reason to step outside of God’s will for your life. God is not limited by your circumstances. In the middle of your busy-ness, God can send you a mate. Even if you are not the life of the party, God can cause you to be a shining gem in the eyes of a future spouse.

In time, God will lead you to your prince or princess charming.

Louis N. Jones
www.dovechristianpublishers.com